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You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee When... |
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you
- you ski uphill
- you speed walk in your sleep
- you answer the door before people knock
- you sleep with your eyes open
- you just completed another sweater and you don't
know how to knit
- you grind your coffee beans in your mouth
- you have to watch videos in fast-forward
- the only time you're standing still is in an
earthquake
- you lick your coffeepot clean
- your eyes stay open when you sneeze
- the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take
your pulse
- your T-shirt says, "Decaf is the devil's
coffee"
- you can type sixty words a minute with your
feet
- all your kids are named "Joe"
- you don't need a hammer to pound nails
- your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet
and Low"
- you don't sweat, you percolate
- you've worn out the handles on your favorite
mug
- you've built a miniature city out of plastic
stirrers
- people get dizzy just watching you
- people can test their batteries in your
ears
- when someone asks you, "How are you?", you say,"Good to the last drop"
- your birthday is a national holiday in
Brazil
- you'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish
prison
- you go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell
the coffee
- you speak perfect Arabic without even taking a
lesson
- your Thermos is on wheels
- you can outlast the Energizer Bunny
- you don't even wait for the water to boil
anymore
- you think being called a drip is a
compliment
- you don't tan, you roast
- you don't get mad, you get steamed
- you soak your dentures in coffee overnight
- your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of
London
- you think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides
Resuscitation"
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